A Snowy MLK Jr. Holiday in New England

This is my first post so I should start by telling you something about who and where I am.

I am sitting in the living room of my home in New Hampshire watching the snow fall. It has been snowing all night and now everything outside is white with outlines of pine trees etched across the sky. It's beautiful unless you have to drive in it. Fortunately today is the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday and I get a reprieve from the "C" word: Commute. I live in Manchester, NH and work in Cambridge, MA. Not an easy commute on a day with no weather hazards. So, today I find myself at home, the two oldest children upstairs in bed and the youngest on her way to the Orthodontist and time on my hands to write this first post.

I am 46 and my partner is 43. Yes, I am gay and we live a very normal life. That is the reason for this blog. See, three years ago I could not have imagined my life today. I was living as a straight married man teetering towards severe depression. I did not know anyone who was gay and living a "normal" life. Gay men were unhappy, alcoholics with insatiable sex appetites and spreading AIDS.

I grew up in the south. The product of a republican attorney father and a very Catholic stay at home mother. Being Gay was not an option. So I did what was expected. Married at 23 and first baby at 28. It was easy enough at first to "play" house. But as the years wore on, hiding who I was and what my feelings were ate away at me. So, when my wife (ex-wife now) asked me three years ago if I was Gay, my reply "I don't want to be" set me free.

Not a very affirmative response, I know. But it was how I felt then. I did not want to be Gay. It meant I was going to be unhappy, go to hell and probably die of AIDS. All of the things that the world had told me. But let me tell you this now. I was unhappy, and lying to everyone about who I was put me in my own private hell. How could it be any worse?

Jumping back to today. I am planning my wedding with Paul and living such a full life with a wonderful group of friends and family. This is the way life is meant to be for me. It is what God intended for me and I want to share this life and story with anyone who may be doubting their orientation or anyone who does not understand or anyone who just wants to understand why their son, daughter, friend, mother or father is Gay. I'll repeat again. This is the way God made us. It is not a preference or a choice. It is a piece of the puzzle that makes us who we are.

My plan is to share the everyday happenings that make up my life. The sometimes boring, sometimes exciting, sometimes sad and sometimes happy little details that make up my life and show you how "normal" a gay life can be. But when I say normal, you can substitute that word with wonderful......

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