Valentine's Day

So we are driving into work today and Paul looks at me and says,
“Where’s my Valentine’s Day card?” In an expectant, puppy dog way.
To which I reply
“Well, maybe you’re not supposed to get it until later”, trying to be coy, because I really did not plan well and thought I would run out at lunch to buy one…..
“Don’t get me a friggin’ card, it’s a Hallmark holiday, all I want is a little slap and tickle later” he says.
“Very romantic” I tell him. Of course this gets him going, which is what he was looking for. He begins singing, with a pained country singer face

“Before I met you, I didn’t know I had a manginaaaaa….”

I am spitting out my coffee laughing now and he keeps going, this time singing Katy Perry,
“Baby, you’re a firework, look at me with sparklers on my perky breastisses….” elongating the "s" in the song

“Is that what you want, Dameron? Do you want me to come to the restaurant tonight and be all lovey, dovey?”

And I have a vision of him with balloons and flowers at this small restaurant and he can see the fear on my face before I even say anything…..
”Look, Dameron, I’m driving your little ass to work today, that’s your Valentine”.

“But, you do that every day” I say.

“Yeah, I need to stop doing these little things every day, so you’ll appreciate them. Put your ass on that bus” And then he says the same thing he always does when we talk about the bus. “Show me riding on the bus like a little Japanese school boy”. And I sit there with my arms held out in front of me acting like I am holding my lunch box sitting on the bus.
“Ah, so cute. So is Valentine’s day every day for you?” He says like someone talking to their puppy.
“I guess it is” I say. And then he makes his point:
“So, do we need cards and chocolates and flowers?”
“No, we don’t.”
“So, shut up and sit there and look pretty”
And I say, “Say it nicely…”
And he says “I’m sorry. Sit there and look pretty…Bitch!”

So, that was my Valentine’s day this morning, can’t say I would have it any other way……