Ten things I hate about you

Paul has left me. Yesterday morning before I was awake, he packed his bags and took off. In order to cope, I have decided to write a list of ten things that I hate about him. This way, I will not miss him. I will be happy that he is gone.

Here goes:

1. I hate the way he asks me questions non-stop in the morning before I am fully awake.
2. I hate the way he talks so loud on the phone that whoever he is talking to does not actually need to use the phone to hear him.
3. I hate that when he goes shopping, he buys enough inventory to survive a nuclear holocaust.
4. I hate the way he shouts out all of the answers to Jeopardy before I have fully understood the question.
5. I hate that he is never jealous.
6. I hate the way he snores.
7. I hate that he makes me eat vegetables.
8. I hate that he calls our floor cleaner a Swifter, instead of a Swiffer.
9. I hate the way he makes me call my pot belly a “sexy belly”.
10. I hate that I miss him.

There, I feel much better. He can rot for all I care. Now, when I am feeling sad, I can just re-read this list and feel stronger, independent and so not in love.  You can help.  Read the list again with me.

1. I love the way he asks me questions non-stop in the morning before I am fully awake.
2. I love the way he talks so loud on the phone that whoever he is talking to does not actually need to use the phone to hear him.
3. I love that when he goes shopping, he buys enough inventory to survive a nuclear holocaust.
4. I love the way he shouts out all of the answers to Jeopardy before I have fully understood the question.
5. I love that he is never jealous.
6. I love the way he snores.
7. I love that he makes me eat vegetables.
8. I love that he calls our floor cleaner a Swifter, instead of a Swiffer.
9. I love the way he makes me call my pot belly a “sexy belly”.
10. I hate that I miss him.

Oh, I see what you just did there. But I will go on hating that I miss him, until he returns from school vacation with the kids next weekend. Until then, I so hate love him.